"If only I could see for a moment, to see the colors of this world, to see my family's faces, to see the mountains, the sea, the birds… Whatever I have only heard until now, I wish I could see it too.... "
People say that sight is the faith. But for her this was not entirely true. She had lost her eyesight at the age of 5 years old. The memories of those that she had seen had faded so much, that she would hardly recognize even herself anymore.
She could currently "see" using her other senses. Walking in the streets of her city was a piece of cake. She could smell the rain before it dropped, but she could not watch it fall. She could feel the sun on her face, but she could not see it rise or set.
She often hated herself, she hated what she was. People around her were saying that she was so beautiful and that all her skills surpassed the skills of normal people! She played the piano so nice and her voice was angelic. She was smart, funny, loved by everyone. However, she would give everything for just one pair of eyes. She also hated sometimes the other people who could enjoy a gift that they often take for granted. For her, it was her deepest desire.
"I want to see the world like everyone else; to see the sun, the rain, the music. I would bet music looks beautiful..."
And her tears wet her pillow...
But life was also fair with her. In return, she found very soon a hand to wipe away these tears from her eyes and hold tenderly her hand, helping her around. She found a smile that could make her smile too, two lips that touched her own. And two eyes that...
The young man that her fate had given her, loved her more than his life.
"This is so unfair! If you knew how much I would like to see your eyes, their color, to see your face even for a little... Only with my hands, I can "see" that you are so beautiful... "
"Don't be sad, sweetie, it's enough if I can see your face; if only you knew how beautiful you are! And don't worry about my eyes, nor is their color important: you know that they belong to you." And he closed her lips with a kiss, before she could disagree.
"I will be your eyes forever. You will see through me", he whispered.
"Yes, but you know, they may find soon a graft, it is possible that I will see again! Oh God, I'm so happy! "
He was quiet for a little. It was like he was thinking about something important. "I... wanted to ask you a favor."
"What favor?"
"Would you like to marry me, when you see again?"
She laughed. Except from sudden, she found it funny. "Let's first find a graft and then we'll think about it..."
"And if they found one and all went well, would you then accept to be my wife?"
"Well... if I can see the world again, then yes, we'll get married."
He was so happy. "You'll definitely see the world again, trust me". He closed his eyes, lost in his thoughts.
Shortly afterwards, they announced her the pleasant news: a graft had indeed been found and the surgery had already been set up in a few days.
"Oh my God, I can't believe it, I will see again, for real?" she said to him tearful, a few hours before the big event, in the hospital's room.
"Of course you'll see again! Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"
"No, I'm fine." Silence fell for some moments." Ehm, to be honest, I haven't been more scared in my entire life!"
"Don't. Everything will turn out fine, trust me."
"Well, I can hear you are nervous too. You know that you can't escape from my other senses! Is something wrong?"
"I am just nervous about you. Don't care about me, just focus on tomorrow's surgery. And please, don't forget the favor I asked you, when you see again."
"I'll think about this too!"
"Always remember this: I will be your eyes forever. You'll see through me." He kissed her eyes and looked at her for a little, before leaving the room. "I love you."
The surgery was an absolute success. A little later, she could see the first blurry figures. They gradually became shapes, persons, objects. She saw her parents, her siblings, her friends. She saw again, after years, the sun and the rain drops. She remained starry-eyed when she stood in front of a mirror. Oh yes, her eyes were amazing, she was indeed beautiful. She felt on top of the world, everything seemed so wonderful!
But something had changed. Like, together with the darkness, she had also wiped out her previous life. She could see now, right? Why not going on with her life and seeing new things, why not leaving her past behind? Her thoughts were running, the one after the other, the one more bitter than the other. The advices given from her family and friends were enforcing these thoughts.
I did want to see him. But now I want to see other people, to know the world better. Leave the rest and the romance for later...
Let alone that he didn't come to see me all these days. Damn him and his lies. He loved me only when I was blind? This was a pity, not a real interest.
How could I believe him? He left me alone in my most important moment.
Of course I will continue my life without him.
Deep inside her, she knew that these thoughts were stupid and wrong. But a final talk with her friends persuaded her to do it. (Sometimes though, she was thinking that her friends might just be envious of her good luck: obviously, they could see and be jealous of the handsome man who chose her and not them.)
Finally, she decided to call him and tell him about her decision.
"Sweetheart, how are you? Is everything fine?" he answered immediately.
His cell phone was in his hand?! And he sounds... strange. He sounds happy, but he is like...
What does he want after all? Firstly he leaves me alone and now he is happy, but suffering? OK, he does deserve to be dumped now.
I have to calm down, the pressure on my eyes will increase! I will end up this story right now.
"I'm fine, I can finally see my parents and the sun. But I wanted to tell you something."
"You thought about my proposal? So, you are really fine!"
She bit her lips: she had completely forgotten it!
Damn, he makes it more difficult! I will cut this out right now, I don't want to give him any hopes.
"No, on the contrary, I want us to stop seeing each other - I think this word fits now! -, to break up with you. We will go on with our life, each one their way." She was speaking so quickly and anxiously that she wasn't fully realizing what she was saying, while she was waiting with bated breath for his reaction.
Silence.
"What happened? Why are you doing this?" Now he sounded like he was really suffering.
"Forgive me, I want to leave behind anything that ties me with my past and you are a big part of my past. I want to make a new start, to live my life and of course to see other men. I wouldn't go with the first one that I found! Just let me go."
"This was the reason?" He laughed bitterly. "Your greatest wish was to see me one day, to see my eyes and their color. Don't you want it now?" Now he sounded like he was choking, like he couldn't say anything else.
This question angered her. "Me? See you? And why not you come over here to see me? To see how I am, to help me all these days like before, to kiss me like before? All these days, you were just sitting there and waiting for my phone call? You didn't even come to see my eyes, my new eyes that are so beautiful and with them I can finally see, like you. You prefer me as I was before? You would like that the donor hadn't been found?" She wasn't controlling any longer what she was saying, the words were coming out of her mouth, without any previous thought.
He wasn't saying anything, he was letting her to talk, without saying a word.
"Your eyes..." he only whispered with difficulty.
Gosh, is he crying? But now it's too late to go back. After all, he will soon forget me for another woman, as he has already started to do... Why should I care about him?
"Anyway, that's what I wanted to tell you. Thank you for what you've done for me, but life goes one."
She knew how embarrassing were these words, but she was too stubborn to change her mind now. She only wanted to close her cell phone and not hear again this sad voice. Because she knew that forgetting his voice would be the most difficult part. She hadn't ever seen his face, but she wouldn't dare now...
"At least, will you let me say goodbye?" he said eventually.
"Uh, yes ... we can keep in touch, though; we can see each other sometimes and remain friends."
Am I trying to repair now?, she wondered.
"If this is your decision, I can't press you or beg you to change it. If you're happy with this, I will force myself to be happy too. And if you can see..."
"Please" she stopped him, while she was looking outside, already thinking about other things, "I know that you don't mean all these. You are just trying to be brave. You can't imagine how sad I were, because you weren't next to me all these days; these days when I was suffering, but I was happy; when I was crying, because I was happy. That's why I started to think about the other options that my new life gave me. Someone who leaves you alone in difficulties, is not worthy of your love."
He sighed. "I really mean these words, sweetheart. I was suffering, but I was happy these days too. I wanted so much to be with you. Sorry if I hurt you, but I had no other choice. And whatever I've said to you before, I did meant it. How could you let one moment of doubt erase all my confessions to you?"
"I don't..."
"It doesn't matter anymore. I will keep on loving you. And I don't prefer you as before, I just want that girl that used to love me."
She didn't say anything; she continued to watch a child playing in the opposite garden.
"At least, I want you to be fine in your new life. Don't ever cry and if you want, remember me sometimes..."
He stopped for a moment.
"And a favor to ask..."
"What favor?", said the girl, while she was admiring at that moment her beautiful new eyes in the mirror.
"Take care of my eyes!"
Her face had petrified, she had remained frozen, looking... looking in the mirror... his eyes.
Tears were pouring down his cheeks.
Tears from two eyes wiped out, forever. "I love you."
(MINAKUSHI)
